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Wednesday, March 13, 2024

She Needs A Deerstalker Hat and A Meerschaum Pipe I Tell Ya!

 

She Needs A Deerstalker Hat and A Meerschaum Pipe I Tell Ya!




 

Mrs. C once again has demonstrated her Sherlockian talent of clue spotting.

Today while she was at work, I had to fill out an on-line form for an oral Surgery appointment… (Bad tooth, no biggie.) The site to fill out the form was sent to my phone, so I had to fill it out on my phone.  (Yes I probably could have forwarded it to my computer except I can’t).  Anyway

One of the questions was for the phone number of my emergency contact…Mrs. C of course.  Problem was, her number is on my contact list which is on my phone which I was using to fill out the form.  (No I don’t know her actual number, I call her by telling the phone to “Call Karen, Mobile!")

OK, that’s it, no more explanation’s in parenthesis.  

So, in order to find the number, I thought maybe it would be on our landline phone.  (Well, it used to be on the phone…ok now that is the last one.)  I picked up the phone and looked.  Apparently they don't put it on the receiver anymore.

I had to dig out the number from a list in my wallet.

Later this night, Mrs. C comes to bed and glances at the phone.

“Did you use the phone today?”

“WHAT?”

“Did you use the phone today?”

“Why?”

“Because the cord was moved.”

“Holy crap!  I picked it up to look for our number which is not there to fill out a dental form.  How does the cord get moved more than an iota or two from that?”

“Apparently it does, because I could tell.”

“So, I guess if I came home with lipstick on my collar you would spot it.”

“Yes, but I might not care!”

That’s Mrs. C.  She does not miss a trick and also can put me in my place without skipping a beat.

At least she didn’t call me a JERK! 

(She has been known to call me that from time to time)

(Oops, I forgot)

(Maybe I am a Jerk!)

 

Monday, February 26, 2024

MY CAR IS POSSESSED

 

MY CAR IS POSSESSED




My 2017 Honda HRV (Harvey) is possessed!  Not repossessed, it is paid for, but possessed by some unknown force.

How is it possessed?  I have no idea.  I am the only owner, so it is not as if some previous Nere-do-well left it with some bad karma, or someone died a horrible death and the soul has not left Harvey. 

But possessed it is.

How?

Last month I left for a 4-mile drive to out local recycle center, Fort Grumpy.  (Yes, Mrs. C thinks I should get a job there too) I recycle once a week, carefully separating glass, plastic and cans, cardboard boxes, and paper into separate containers.  I’m pretty sure all this stuff ends up in the same land fill (several engineering experts in the field have confirmed this) but I still feel like I am doing something good for the environment once a week.

On the way to Ft. G. I pulled out my driver’s license and stuck it up under my sun visor.  



Our Ft. G. Grumps demand proof of residency to drop off recyclables, they are very thorough in ensuring some non-town resident cannot drop their stuff off on our center, so proof of residency is demanded.  I put it in my visor ahead of time to be “soup-nazi” prepared for the Grumps…they will yell!

Half way to the center I glanced up at my visor and the license was not there. 

What the Hell!

I pulled over and looked on the floor, the seats and even under the front seats.  Nothing!  How does a plastic license slip out of the visor and disappear without my even noticing?

I looked all over and nothing.  I drove back home for a more thorough search.  After tearing everything in the front seat apart without finding the license I turned to the back…as if a piece of plastic could slip out of a visor, fly out over the front seat and land on the floor in the back without my noticing a thing.

I found it on the floor almost under the back seat and slightly buried under assorted trash.  Impossible, and yet there it was.


Still hard to find...partially buried

Today I left for Fort Grumpy and once again stuck my ID firmly in the visor.  Once again half way to the center I looked up at the visor and …WTF!  Gone.

I Pulled over to check quickly and once again nothing.  I Drove home and checked all through the front driver and passenger side and again nothing.  I checked the back seats and there was the license.  Directly behind me.



So, without any moving of the visor, without hitting any bumps, the license somehow flew out of the visor, over my shoulder, and landed  behind the driver seat and I did not feel or see a thing.

The car is possessed I tell you!

 

Friday, February 16, 2024

Random Observations

 

Random Observations



 

Shopping with Mrs. Cranky after a painful visit with our tax accountant and I made several random observations.

ONE:

We bought a bathtub mat and some Gorilla Glue at Lowes.  We paid via self-check-out.  I hate self-check-out.  I understand at the supermarket when all 4 to 6 check-outs are busy, but…

At Lowes on a week day at 11:30 the whole giant store had about 5 shoppers.  At the self-check-out there was only Mrs. C and myself, and a Lowes employee to make sure we didn’t steal anything.  Of course, as it always seems to me, we also had to ask said Lowes employee a question about the process. 

It was nice she was there to assist, but when it is so slow, why not just have a cash register for the employee to do an old fashion check out instead of standing there watching?

TWO:

Later we passed a green gas station, “Fuel 4.”

“What the hell is a Fuel 4 gas station?”

“Why, who cares?”

“Just is that a national brand? Is it individually owned? Whose gas is it?  I mean all the big oil stations advertise their gas is the best.  Does Fuel 4 have special cleaning stuff, what is the octane, where does it come from?”

“What do you care, you don’t know the difference anyway?”

“I don’t know, it is just weird, I never heard of “Fuel 4.”

“You’re weird…and a jerk.

THREE:

Here is an observation, why are parking lot spaces so important?  Mrs. C made about three laps around the lot looking for the closest space.

“What the hell, just pick a space, you’ve passed up three spaces already!”

“It’s windy, I want to get closer.”

“You have got to be kidding…windy? Have you seen the price of gas? Time is money, gas is money, pick a damn space!”

“Just shutty! Jerk.”

FOUR:

In the supermarket some people still are wearing a face mask…well two people.  I don’t think those things ever worked for Covid, but I wore them so as to not be accused of killing Grandma.  Maybe those two were on chemo or had a reason to be extra careful, no skin off my teeth.  However, one person still did not have the mask over their nose!  Might as well tattoo “I am really stupid” across your forehead!

FIVE:

Also, this had me remembering, as my final random observation, when the supermarkets had arrows in the lanes directing only one way shopping.  At the time I thought that was stupid and said so.  I was severely chastised for that opinion and told that the arrows assured the 6-foot Covid rule.  Seemed to me that  pushing through floating Covid death breath from behind someone would be not less dangerous than crossing through it in a two-way traffic lane.  I let it go back during the Covid scare.  One-way two-way…stupid but what could it hurt.

I will now, several years later, finally get it out of my system,

Those one-way supermarket shopping lanes were really freaking STUPID!!  (Boy that felt good.)

That’s all the observations I’ve got for now.  I think I’d best just listen to Mrs. C and Shutty.